My blog isn't attracting much traffic. Ummmm...

I had a dream about Mom this morning, on August 23, 2019. I had just seen my mom yesterday before I went to work. My youngest brother, Craig, said that the Hospice nurses had just been with Mom a lot of the morning. Mom was looking really good. I bent over her bed, on the right side, and gave her a hug and a kiss. I could feel her right hand tapping me in reciprocating my hug. I wrote on the whiteboard and told her about Todd getting cancer treatment in Mexico because the United States doesn't offer the same kind of cancer care and treatment. I showed her some pictures on my phone of Todd and Kloey on San Diego beach, the day before they went into Mexico. Behind them were seals lying on the shore, something you don't see over here on the east coast of the United States in Vero Beach, Florida. Of course, we don't see many whales either and there just so happened to be a Rare Whale and her calf in Sebastian Inlet a few winters ago. I captured the mother on my digital camera.

I feel lost these days. My youngest son is fighting melanoma cancer in a hospital in Tijuana, Mexico. My mother is tired and giving up after a major stroke in January 2018. Today is August 22, 2019 and I cannot seem to wrap my brain around the thought of what is happening. My mom was healthy and so was my son. How did she go down hill so quickly at the age of 78 after the stroke that took 40% of her brain, left her with Aphasia, yet she was walking down the street, trying to cook, trying to learn how to use the phone, and learn how to write, and learn how to talk all over again? And, how did my 37 year old son get melanoma? How and why do other people die and develop cancer at such an early age? Why? Why? Why? How? How? How do I survive my feelings of loss and helplessness? Isn't life supposed to be enjoyed? What do I do to get to the acceptance part of my grievances? To answer those question, I do a lot of different things. I take care of my son's little Yorkshire, Samson,

My youngest son, Todd, and his family are in Tijuana, Mexico at the CHIPSA hospital. The doctors there are taking AWESOME care of my son. Pray they are successful in helping heal Todd from melanoma and show him how to prevent it from ever coming back. Amen.

Dear family, My mom is going to go into the spiritual realm soon. Mom is tired and wants to go. Hospice will come in and make sure she is comfortable and her passing peaceful. I will let you know after the transition of Mom's spirit transcends from her body into the realm of spirits. I ask that all of you say this prayer with me for my mom: Dear God have mercy and forgive my mom for anything and everything. Dear God show my mom you love her and keep her spirit safe. Dear God, take away any fears my mom may have. Dear God, make sure my mom is content and happy in her body, mind, and in her spirit now and always. Dear God, comfort my mother now and always. I ask this to be granted in God's Holy Name and in Jesus Holy Name. Amen. So be it! Dear God, I thank you for granting our prayer, and I thank everyone for saying this prayer with me. Dear family, you can add to this prayer. Love, Connie

My 37 year old SWEET son, TODD, NEEDS TO LIVE! He needs to get to C.H.I.P.S.A. I am BEGGING FOR DONATIONS! https://www.gofundme.com/f/todds-stage-4-cancer-journey

I just want to thank ALL of you for your prayers, kindness, love , and support . I feel, so much, better ! I had a wonderful crying session. Aah! It felt great to let the tears flow freely as they are meant to do when the feeling hits . Now I am smiling. I did some writing and made a couple people laugh today just because, at times, I am, and today I was being silly. Sometimes I can't help that either—don't want to because that feels good too. Being angry is something I don't hold onto like I have in my past. Anger helps when used constructively for setting boundaries and when other things are needed. Constructively does not mean you have to be mean, rude, condescending, or disrespectful. The other day I was angry. That's okay because I turned my anger into productive anger. I am happy that I learned to do that. Talking about it to someone who listens and cares how you feel is significantly helpful and healthy. The question for what happened is not just why i

I do not have anyone reading my posts. Maybe I’m not saying anything interesting. Oh well. I will post just for me, then. I am happy. I get sad and right now, I am extremely sad. I encourage. I get mad. I feel helpless, and right now, I feel EXTREMELY HELPLESS. I pray. I create. I help others. I give praise. Sometimes I isolate myself. Sometimes I spend time with loved ones and those who do not try to hurt me with their actions or their words.There is a lot about me that people who think they know, will never know. However, there is only ONE that will ever truly know...I ASK FOR UNDERSTANDING, COURAGE,  STRENGTH,  COMPASSION,  COMFORT, AND A WHOLE LOT OF LOVE RIGHT NOW because I REALLY need it! AMEN. ❤😔 Sometimes It’s hard. I have to accept what’s happening with my mom and My sweet, 37 year old son, Todd. I pray Todd gets the money to get to C.H.I.P.S.A. I believe he will, but I am still feeling the feelings a loving mother f eels for their child that has cancer or anyt

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y and z. Now what can I create out of these? Where to start, where to start? It began many, many, years ago. It began with The Word...

Dear Siblings, I never knew I would have witnessed our father's last breath. That was my first experience of watching anyone pass. Dad and Mom saw us take our first breath, heard us say our first word, watched us take our first step. They changed our diapers, and our clothes. They gave us baths and watched us grow. They kissed our boo-boos and mended our wounds. I never knew I would be doing the same for our mother. I am happy that Mom is comfortable with me helping her while she is in a most vulnerable way. I am happy she trusts me. I know how awkward it was at first, for both of us. I gave my children baths and my grandchildren, but I never knew I would be helping our mom in this way and she may have never knew it either. Although it is sad to see Mom like this, I am happy that I am able to help her in this way. I have accepted that this is Mom now, that things have changed. I do not grab my phone to call her anymore. That habit is gone, although the thought crosses my mi

One can only imagine what another person feels unless that person honestly expresses their true feelings. Or, a person would have to literally walk in someone else’s shoes to know how that person feels. I mean that they would have to be that person. You’ve heard the expression, “ If  I were that person, I would...,” and then carry on with what they would have done, or would have said in that person’s place. I am guilty of saying this myself. However, after giving it some thought, I realized that this statement, in my opinion, is not accurate. I realized that if I was that person, I would do or say exactly what that person did or said. People have different strengths, beliefs, point of views. Therefore, when two people who see things differently are faced with the same situation or circumstance, they might feel differently towards it. Now, after saying this, I have witnessed that every parent that I have met who loves their children, feels a great loss, a deep sadness, or possibly a g

Today is a new day and I am off to a great start. My youngest son, Todd, is going to go to Tijuana, Mexico to a hospital that will help him fight and get rid of the melanoma cancer tumors in his nodes under his left armpit. We are all, both my children, my daughter in law, my granddaughter, my grandson and our friends, spreading the word to help us raise money for Todd to get to Mexico. We have raised some money, but not enough to get him there as of yet. It will cost $30,000.00 dollars to get his total treatments that last for three weeks. If only 1,500 people gave just $20 dollars a piece, this will pay for my son's much needed trip that will save his life. My hands, my heart is always in prayer for my son's healing and happiness. I will write about some of the things I have gone through, since I first heard of him having cancer to how I have felt along his journey. Right now, we all feel hopeful and this is important to feel this positive energy because it helps in the heali